A Whiter Shade of Pale
by Gloredhel
Summary: The FINAL installement of my Fly Away From Here/Come Sail Away series...it's good, read it! and review! plus, i'll be putting hte entire story together and posting it as a sort of finale thing i guess. ENJOY!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters that you see in the movie, the ones that are mine are obvious ;) The title is from a Procol Harem song (Old hippy band from the sixties haha).  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm going to put the entire story together again after this one, if the response is still good. Saw the movie again two days ago, brushed up on my "knowledge" and I got the soudntrack! So now when I'm writing I've got the music in the background and it makes life easier. Anyway, in this story, someone's gonna die, someone's gonna be born, and there's going to be a really weird twist that I'm not sure everyone's going to appreciate lol. Well, enjoy and Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
Whiter Shade of Pale  
  
  
  
...There was a regression following Rafe's episode. Jack's condition worsened, and nobody could explain what went wrong. I was confused, I didn't love him completely but I still loved him. So I stayed by his side most of the time, wondering what to do. Evelynn would stop by with Danny Jr. every day and we would eat outside and watch the sky. Often, Rafe would come and keep Jack company. Life was good and bad at the same time, and none of us knew what would happen, or how it would change us all...  
  
  
Shieldin my eyes with my hand, I looked up to the clouds and watched our neighbor in the crop duster, mindin' our fields. Jack was out of the question to do it, and Rafe refused to go into another plane after his flashbacks.  
"Would you look at how easy that thing flies," he mumbled quietly.  
"Don't pay any mind to it, darling," Evelynn soothed.  
Standing up quietly, i excused myself to go to the bathroom.  
The house was quiet inside, and the wooden floorboards creaked and groaned under my feet as I crept to Jack's dor and peered in. He slept quietly, drooling on the pillow as usual. I'd wait to wake him up. I would know today--today there would be no doubt.  
Holding my stomach, I edged my way to the bathroom and slunk inside. A wave of nausea swept ove rme and I quickly upped the lid of the toilet and let it go.   
"Shit," I said to myself. I knew I was going to be having a baby. Eve knew too, but Jack was too sick to help me take care of him. Hopefully, he'd get better soon and then we could be happy again.  
I hiked up my skirt for one more check, and, as expected, there was nothing. I was two months late.  
"It's now or never," I coaxed myself. Opening the door and walking in to the hallway, I caught my breath and prepared myself.  
"Jack? Honey wake up I need to tell you something!" I called, walking quickly towards his room, the door slightly ajar.  
I eased my way inside and approached his sleeping form. God, he was so sweet. I could hardly wait for him to get better, and then we'd have picnics out by the garden again like old times.  
"Wake up sweety," I urged, pushing his shoulder lightly. As I did so, his pale body moved and I could see his "drool" more clearly--it was blood.  
Jack??" I cried, grabbing his hand and shaking him around. "Jack wake up!! I'm having a baby!"  
In all my horror, I heard footsteps come running down the hallway. Rafe burst in the door, Evelynn following.  
"Suze, move aside okay?? I'll take care of this girly," he said, moving me to the wall and kneeling beside Jack's bed.  
I knew he was dead, I knew it would happen...I just couldn't come to terms with it in time.  
Evelynn came to my side and held me as I cried.  
"Not again," I sobbed against her shoulder. "Not again..."  
  
  
...In the months following Jack's death, I was like a zombie. The doctor said that there had been internal bleeding in his stomach from a fall on the farm that he hadn't paid any mind to. His room was cleaned out and everything of his was placed in boxes. Everything except his journal. I kept it by my bedside and swore to never read it, until one day, out of curiousity, I flipped through the pages...  
  
  
The book was basically calling to me. It's leather-bound pages were screaming to me to read them and see what had been going through Jack's mind through all that we went through together. Finally, a week before I was due, I gave in to temptation and read his journal. What I found was endearing and excruciating all at the same time...  
  
  
August 5, 1942  
  
Met Miss Susana McCawley today at the grocers. She's Rafe McCawley's little sister! A might pretty, she was...shew as a little strange though. I got invited to her house for dinner so I'm goin' to go.  
It'l be an ho nor to spend time with Rafe...I idolize him and just about everyone knows it. What I wouldn't give to have flown with him in the force.  
  
  
August 6, 1942  
  
Last night I kissed Susie. I thought everything went great, but she ran away screaming. I'm hoping to mend the situation if I can. I'll go to the house tonight and I'll tell her how I feel 'bout us. I think we should give it a chance. I know she was i love with a boy in the war. And I know that he died. somone once told me who he was but i was pretty drunk at the time. oh well. she needs to move on with her life, and why not move on to me?  
  
  
November 4, 1942  
  
I asked Susie to marry me today, and she said yes! I'm gonna be the happiest man alive with her by my side. Life will be great, we'll buy a great little house right by her brother and his family and grow up all old together...i can't wait...  
  
  
March 16, 1943  
  
I know I'm going to died soon...they can't hide that from me. And Suze, well she won't listen. She thinks Ii'm going to get better and we'll be able to be happy again. I wish I could tell her to elave me now, to just go on. I'm useless, completely. Shew ants to have kids, but she doesn't know...I can't. I just can't, and I also can't help it. I was jsut--born that way, I guess. She wants so bad to have a little baby with me, but I can't even give her that. I don't want to tell her, I don't want her to be even more upset. So I'll wait...  
  
  
  
I slammed the book shut. He had to have made a mistake because here I was, nine months later, with a belly he size of a prize-winning watermelon. There had to be some sort of mistake, something out of the blue that we couldn't have foreseen. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Jack had died without knowing about his baby. I didn't even get the chance to tell him.  
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. And t hen another.  
"Rafe!!" I screamed. "EVELYNN!!!!"  
They came running into the room and saw what was going on. Eve drove to the hospital as Rafe held me in his lap and tried to comfort me.  
  
  
...On April 19th, 1943 I gave birth to a little boy whom I named Matthew, after my father. He was so beautiful, such a darling baby. But as he grew bigger, I began to notice things...strange things. His father had been blonde, and I had dark blonde hair like Rafe's, but Matthew had hair of the darkest brown. My eyes were green and Jack's blue, but the baby's were deep brown and deepset. I couldn't help but think of how much he looked like my Danny as a young boy. Everytime I looked at Matt, it was like seeing Danny again as a twelve year-old, running through the fields with Rafe. It was like God had given me Danny again. I mean, it did seem impossible that he was even here, what with Jack's impotence and the fact that he looked less and less like the offspring of a blonde-haired blue-eyed soldier every day. It was weird, but I couldn't complain. Watching Matthew grow up was like reliving my childhood through older eyes. But times got depressing, and the flashbacks more current, as I watched him play. I longed for those Tennessee days with Danny, the lon days by the creek and on Stanley Drive. The warm air burning my scalp, and the sun tanning my little figure. I couldn't stay like this any longer...  
  
  
"Momma!" Matt called, running into the house.  
"What is it baby?" I asked, wiping away my tears and covering the piece of paper in front of me.  
"I'm goin' to Danny's okay?"  
"That's fine baby. Be careful."  
"What's the matter Ma?"  
"Nothin Matthew, but come here and give me a hug, okay?"  
The little boy came over, confused, as I held him close and gave him a big kiss on the forehead.  
"I love you," I urged, "Don't you ever forget that."  
"I know, mom, but I'm gonna be late! I love you too!"  
He ran outside and I resumed my writing. It read:  
  
  
Rafe and Evelynn,  
  
I love you two more than life, you two and little Danny and my Matthew. But I can't bear this any longer. I'm not happy anymore, and why should I stay here if I'm not happy? I'll be a burden on all of you. Take care of my Matthew, watch him real close and tel lhim his Momma'll cme and give him hell if he screws up! It's better this way. I'll be with Danny again. Finally. Please, don't ever forget me. and Rafe, I love oyu. You're my big brother. Please, don't let the past haunt you anymo0re...be happy and be proud that you have such a wonderful family. Take Matthew as you're own and teach him to be goo dlike you were. Tell him his mommy loved him. I need to go now.  
  
Love You Always,  
Susie  
  
  
Crying a little bit, I folded the letter and placed it in the envelope marked for Rafe and Eve. I set it on my desk and then, sitting on the bed, I pulled out the pistol that Jack had always kept for safe-keeping. In my other hand, I held the purple heart that I had recieved in memory of Danny. Fingering it gently, I placed the barrell at my temple and, letting out one cry before doing it, I pulled the trigger.  
  
  
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The sun beat down on my face as I lay sprawled out on the grass in front of my house. I lifted up my arm and looke at it's tiny length. I was sixteen again. Standing up quickly I looked around, my hand guarding my eyes in a salute. The house was painted white still, and the barn was in tact by the field. I heard a holler from above and looked up. Rafe flew past in the cropduster, waving his scrawny arms and smiling. I waved back, a tear making it's way down my cheek. A voice from inside brought me to attention.  
"Susie darlin', tell your brother to come down and have some breakfast!"  
It was Momma, momma who had died all those years ago in a car accident. My beautiful Momma. I could hear her talking to Daddy inside, my big strong father. Befor I could open the screen door to see them, I heard a cough from the walkway. Turning around, I saw him standing there.  
His brown hair was swept in a million different directions, and the sun shone across his chiseled face. The brown of his eyes stood out against his tan body, his white tank top a bit dirty from goofing aorund with Rafe, and his slacks torn here and there. I slowly walked down the porch steps towards him until we stood face to face. i looked a tthe ground, unable to speak, as I began to cry.  
He brought his hand to my face and wiped them away. Cupping my cheek in his palm, he turned my face towards his and looked into my eyes. It was him, he was real and we were young again, together at my house with Momma and Daddy and Rafe.  
"I told you I'd always be with you," he whispered, smiling as he ran his fingers through my hair, which was long, as it used to be.  
"I never doubted you," I said quietly as he pulled me to him.  
Our lips met and I felt warmth inside me again, as I had all those years ago. I knew then that I had found heaven.  
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Fin  
  
Does anybody like this ending??? 


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